If you're not married yet, share this with a friend. If you are
married, share it with your spouse or other married couples.. and
reflect on it.
An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes
open, and after you marry, close one eye." Before you get involved and
make a
commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity,
ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind
to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you
can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really
important.
Once you decide to commit to someone, over time their flaws,
vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more
obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and
evolve,
you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing
bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations,
emotional needs,
values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique
individuals who have decided to share a life together. Neither of you
are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the
best of each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other,
or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the
relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past
mistrust, past pain?
You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can't
make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem,
spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won't find yourself making
someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your
pain. Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are
not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting
relationship.
Seeking status,sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be
in a relationship. What keeps a relationship strong? Communication,
intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks, some
getaway time without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal,
shared
activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note). Leave a nice message on
their voicemail or send a nice email. Sharing common goals and
interests.
Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving
each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to
have outside interest. You can't always be together. Give each other
a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try to control
one another. Learn each other's family situation. Respect his or her
parents regardless.
Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for
richer or for poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship
will
erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain
replace the passion.
" Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any
higher than you think." The grass withers, the flowers fades, but the
word of God stands forever. Isaiah 40:8
Shall we make a new rule of life from tonight. Always to try to be
a little kinder than is necessary.
The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the i.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the
moments that take our breath away!
